Van Gogh’s letter #274 to Theo contains a passage I love:
“The artistic sense develops and ripens through working. How you might become a very good painter, I don’t know, but I certainly believe that it is in you and will come out.” To Theo van Gogh, The Hague, Sunday, 22 October 1882.
Reading this today, I find it beautifully powerful, a true evocation of the day I bought this book back in 2016. There are other letters with amazing and powerful messages about God, courage, and hope. So many of them resonate with me, and they’ve been recurring thoughts for me lately.
I found myself in a state where I have too much IGNITION and too many stories. Sometimes, this is counterbalanced by time and supplies, but success to me is when I finally pick up a pencil and start drawing.
If that’s all I need to create, then so be it. But painting... there’s something special about it. It’s not just a choice.. it’s a necessity.
Note to self: go read Van Gogh letters from Antwerp period again.
About a year ago, someone told me something about roosters, that they never quit a fight. It’s stuck with me ever since. There’s friction everywhere, and going out feels like a battle to me. I’m always stuck wondering if I should be painting or learning more about nature and people. Just keep fighting through it, I guess.
Quit outcome
This is for me to feel, to heal, and to embrace this season. Honesty and authenticity are the North Star of this journey.
It’s so clear to me: I don’t need to follow trends to reach. Those who resonate with my message will appear. I don’t need thousands, just The One who is calling me to share my story. I’m not afraid to lose whatever I need to surrender because it’s not my time, nor my plan. So this will be raw, personal, and transparent. Not for ego boosters, for sure, but for those who are tired of masking instead of feeling. Painting is healing me, so that’s the main reason I keep doing this. It has been one year since I decided to show my work as I am, and it will be a bumpy ride. Still, I will trust that honest work is worth the wait. Paint and let go, the outcome is not in your control, save energy and keep painting.
This is the making of “OT” or (oxytocin)
I love making non-judgmental, intuitive sketches. It helps me focus on the quality of my lines and recall facial features in my mental imagery. Sometimes, when I'm too isolated (I barely go out and see people for just one hour a day). It's more difficult to reinvent or recreate random faces, but I do this exercise twice a week to help improve my creative library.
Embrace the process of picture-making but strive for improvement.
Yes I lack draftsmanship, I lack technique, but all that lives in my mind. Or maybe, I’m just idealizing myself mastering the fundamentals, and it whispers, “You’re not ready yet.” But when I paint, my heart, as broken and scattered as it is, THRIVES! And my hands, rough and masculine (by the way, I love my gifted and muscular Michelangelo-like hands 🤣), help me bring to life the pictures in my head. So, while I love to master technique, composition, and draftsmanship, I let my intuition take over and just enjoy what I can give now. Maybe it’s better to not know how to.. so emotion automatically becomes more important. Degas said that; painting is easy when you don't know how, but very difficult when you know.
Even though I’m working on the quality of my lines and GESTURE!!! I think I tend to approach economy of lines the wrong way.. But emotion over accuracy right?
Dilemma: A few years ago, I finally understood “you are what you eat”, you are what you consume, and the brain is nourished by the things you see. I embarked on a journey where I only wanted to consume art, distancing myself from the pressures of social life, ignoring what everyone else was doing. I literally stopped seeing what people and the world were consuming and flowing in faith. Now, I exist in a state of counterculture. I don’t have a tv (10years now) I mostly watch films that nourish me (I love avant-garde french cinema), consume mostly instrumental music, and have engaged to 7 to 10 art and history classes, diving deep into the works of old masters.
And now I float in a bubble where I don’t know anything about my external situation. Is this good? To be an outsider? To not know how to talk to people because I can’t relate to anything in our current culture? I wonder if I just need to find people who float in the same bubble, people who are aligned with my mindset.
It’s going to be a long journey because I, as a work in progress, am a misfit who doesn’t want to follow the mainstream. I know I will encounter a lot of friction, and pursuing the gallery path is not easy. But I know where I came from, and I know where I’m going. This season of faith, exploration and treasure hunting will be the touchstones of my practice.
so grateful to being in this state of non-stop crafting
I do use certain colors, but recently.. these flowers I mean.. I like purple in the sky or in the shadows of a mountain but there is a house on my way home that gets me every time. Sometimes some colors stay with you. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to overcome the colors I do ( a earthy palette of browns and blues) but for now, I’m just enjoying it.
consciousness. I give all my patience, my strength, my time, my sanity, my knowledge. and in the bottom, my remains are.. sorrow, gaps, anxiety, fatigue. but still. I have you
Grinding and finding new words, everyday learning new concepts, how you learn to talk outstrips my understanding
About a force, dialectic. Por que sus gestos en francés se mezclan con los míos